The Start of My Journey

I was born in Cape Town to a South African mother and Argentinian father with traditional values and a strong faith. I came from fortunate but humble beginnings, which I owe to the mix of belief systems, cultures and classes South Africa consisted of and I was constantly surrounded by. Being born in South Africa in 1990, apartheid was still going strong, and as children we were naturally exposed to a melting pot of different ethnic groups, African, European, Asian and Americans, they all had a great impact on my upbringing and kept me grounded. Although this was in the midst of apartheid, in my little bubble / community that my parents had created for me, I naively felt as though we were all equal, and saw no difference amongst us all.

Social Structure

An overview, leaving out the traumatic instances that occurred throughout my life – my parents divorced when I was under a year old. The change of not having both parents living in the same household, never really affected me as it did my older brother, however the broken aspects that come with divorce became detrimental to my childhood. As much as my mother loved us, she was in the public eye, had a thriving business with her brother, was married to her career and preoccupied with the duties they both carried. My father doted on me as his only daughter. We possessed that special father-daughter bond, and he provided the love and sense of safety I so needed. From the age of 2, my step-mother was a constant beacon of support in my life. She gave me my love for reading from the age of 3, encouraged my talent for the piano, devoted her own life to shaping me and nurtured the void I could not deny I had.

My father employed my wonderful nanny Santi in the hopes of achieving the female support and knowledge he needed in raising two young children. She too was another beacon of support that I could rely on. She gave me a sense of comfort as I knew she would always be there. She carried with her a very deep wisdom which showed in her eyes and smile. When I was around 15 years old, she was called by her tribe to fulfil her duty as a ‘Sangoma.’ Only later in my life did I realise what an impact her ancient wisdom and energy would have on me.

Having a close group of friends, greatly contributed to who I am today. Parents would lean on each other for support with their children, they together would nurture me as if I were their own. Again this gave me the sense of love and security I yearned for. All these individuals formed part of my social structure.

Sickly Child

My mother found out I had a serious nut allergy when I was 2 years old. It was Christmas at ‘Grandma and Grandpa’s’ house. After I commandeered a chocolate truffle and was caught, the commotion ensued after my family members gasped at the sight of me. My cheeks and eyes had swelled up and I was rushed to the hospital.

My allergy only got worse as I got older, as most of the time I was consuming nuts without actually knowing. Every Sunday at my dad’s, we would order St Elmo’s pizza. Consecutively each time, I would always eat a slice or 2 and complain about a tummy ache. This lead my dad and step-mom to be concerned I was developing an eating disorder.

One day, I was at a friends house. We were starving as we had just returned from a fun day at the beach and ordered St Elmo’s pizza. I devoured the whole pizza – ignoring the pains I felt in my stomach. Within 15 minutes, I could not stop myself from vomiting, my body was losing control. From one moment to the next, I found myself gasping for air. I could not speak, I could not breath, I sensed real danger. My friends’ mother and father who were doctors rushed in and immediately gave me 6 puffs of my inhaler which did not help me in this dire situation. They could see I had gone into anaphylaxis and immediately rushed me to the hospital. Upon arrival, I had a brief glimpse of my mother, who’s expression is imprinted in my memories. She thought she was about to lose her daughter. City Park Hospital, its doctors and nurses saved my life, and subsequently did a few times after this incident. After extensive enquiring and questioning, we later found out that peanut flour was the signature ingredient used by St Elmo’s in making the crispy puffy dough. Awareness about allergies was not present at this time, very few knew all the different ways nuts could be added to food.

I developed asthma at the age of 3. I was constantly ill, being admitted to hospital for bronchitis and pneumonia every 2-3 months. I was administered frequent antibiotics without the recommendation of probiotics, and was on long term medication consisting of corticosteroids, leukotriene modifiers, and LABA inhalers. My parents and I like most, were unaware of the side effects they bring, especially during early and middle childhood. Additionally I developed scoliosis, which could partly be due to the corticosteroids affecting my muscles, but was told by doctors I would ‘grow out of it.’ With my frequent asthma attacks, respiratory illnesses and exposure to allergens, I spent a lot of time in hospital which affected my attendance at school. I missed out on things and often felt excluded and abandoned from my social structure. As time went on, I had many near death experiences caused by our lack of knowledge and understanding of allergies.

When I was around 10 years old, my dad took me to the Riding Centre in Hout Bay where I had my first horse ride. I was immediately hooked, and he knew this was the beginning of my long term love and passion for horses. I was at the stables every single day, taking care of my pony, my best friend. Rolling around in the mud, having camps and sleepovers in the stalls with the horses, mucking up poop, building ‘pony bases’ in the forest, falling asleep on hay bales, handling baby chickens, avoiding charging goats and ponies - I was living the so called ‘farm life.’ Exposure to this natural environment was doing wonders to my immune system. Within months, my respiratory illnesses and asthma subsided. I was finally living a prosperous and healthy childhood.

Move to Switzerland

In March 2005, my mother married one of her long-time friends, a wonderful man who lived in Switzerland. The conversations about moving to Zurich started months before they married, but I couldn’t bear the thought of saying goodbye to my life, my horse, my friends and most of all my father, step-mother and brothers. My mother and sister took the plunge and gave it a try a few months before the wedding. During the time my mother was gone, I started to become slightly rebellious and it was evident I needed to be near my mother.

My soon to be step-father was a horse enthusiast himself, being involved in the horse sport industry in Switzerland. He showed me the beautiful horse estate we would be living on and assured me my horse riding career would only improve as I was around the world’s most successful showjumpers. I was converted, and off we left to Switzerland! 

The drastic change between two worlds began to have a significant impact on me and I was longing to be home. I called my headmaster from my high school in Cape Town every week, reminding him to keep a space at school for my return. My relationship with my mother was turbulent as she did not really know the ins and outs of adolescents and my needs. She too was adjusting to this new way of life. Phone calls to my father every night crying, begging him to let me come home. Never before had I felt so abandoned and alone. My support structure was shattered.

After a couple of unstable months, I knew nothing was going to change. Subconsciously I knew I had to shut off from everything that I loved and made me who I am today, and embrace this new world. My interests flipped from horses to cars, house gatherings to clubs, and tomboy clothes to high fashion. My relationships with my friends and father deteriorated, we did not have so much in common anymore.

My childhood eating habits consisted of McDonalds and other fast-food chains at least 3 times a week, low nutrient dense foods, processed junk, sweets, Redbull, sodas, very little fruit and vegetable intake and strictly no pulses. Inherently I stuck very much to the ‘Western processed diet’ as these foods gave me comfort. So many foods made me feel sick, and I was having frequent allergic reactions. My mother coming from a very traditional musical family, had a great passion for cooking and music. She would be in the kitchen all day, blasting her jazz - Al Jarreau, Barbara Streisand, El DeBarge and The Supremes. She would cook exceptional Italian inspired wholefoods and was very much against junk and processed foods. She would constantly be infuriated when I would bring home my junk food or make microwaved ‘macaroni and cheese.’ She tried very often with fail to modify my choice of foods.

I became an ‘all or nothing’ character, mirroring that of my stepfather constantly running from one thing to the next. I was exposed to so much at such a young age but that was all part of living in the ‘fast lane.’ I was craving a fast-paced city to mask the void and pain I was truly feeling inside. I moved from Zurich to London, London to Zurich, Zurich to New York. I was studying a BA in Fashion Marketing, later transferring to a BA in Business Management and Marketing. In New York away from my ‘cushioned life,’ I met a brilliant health / life coach who ignited change and progression in my life. With his guidance, I decided to take a healthier approach to my eating choices as well as develop self awareness. He became part of the social structure I needed to rebuild. I immediately noticed how much better I was starting to feel. When returning home for the holidays, my mother, sister and I started going to biological and integrative medicine clinics to try and optimise our health and find a way to manage my intolerances, allergies and severe back pain due to my scoliosis.

Responsibilities as a Mother

I transferred back to London, the city where I met the man of my dreams, my husband. A love story in itself, I felt true love after our first conversation. I felt a deep sense of protection wrap around me like a warm blanket, as if our souls were bound to one another in many lives before this one. I knew he was the one I wanted to partner with through this incredible journey of life.

After moving back to Zurich at the beginning of 2016, and having our little son at the end of 2016, my world and everything I thought I was, stood into question. The sweeping sense of responsibility took control of my thoughts and actions. In the midst of trying to process who I was and who I wanted to be for this incredible entity I was destined to nurture and guide, I fell pregnant again with my beautiful little girl. When she was born in the middle of 2018 and I was incredibly overwhelmed. Not only was I now responsible for the life of two magnificent Be:ings, I was still carrying the locked up burdens and traumas from my past as well as coping with my husband’s childhood traumas. Like so many new mothers, I had no idea who I was, what I liked or what I identified with anymore. The feelings of abandonment and loneliness resurfaced and I knew I needed to make a change.

Trying to feed my curiosity for all the questions I had surrounding food, health and the reason why I constantly felt fatigued and sick, I embarked on an online MSc in Personalised Nutrition in 2015. I had to put it on standby until I could manage the workload with a newborn baby.

Four months after my daughter was born, I began a 3-year attendance diploma at CNM in Naturopathy and Nutritional Therapy. I immediately felt immersed into a community that was in line my theories and beliefs. All the richness of knowledge I was being filled with was genuine and impactful. It was something I could finally give to my community and support others on their journey to healing. The course progressed and I was confronted with various cases of allergies, phobias, autoimmune disease and addictions. I started to draw the conclusion that the common denominator between us all, were blockages and unresolved trauma – never again revisited. There was a sense of running away from the part of yourself that really needed nurturing and healing.

I began searching for a course dedicated to ‘coaching’ or counselling, but found them all quite clinical with a heavy, gloomy energy. I was then told by a friend about a special diploma course, ‘Spiritual Counselling’ and was instantly drawn to it, reading about all the fascinating modules they offered. I started my Spiritual Counselling diploma course at the Healing College alongside my studies at CNM. Convinced I was absorbing all this knowledge and higher degree of consciousness as the necessary skills I needed for my journey to helping people, I had no idea that I infact was the one that needed healing. Months of meditating, connecting and sharing with people from all walks of life, broke down the hard exterior I had built up as protection. Having confronted all my deeply buried pain and emotional blockages, I finally felt liberated, a sense of bliss. I knew who I was, who I wanted to be in this world, and who I wanted the world to remember me by.

Our mind, body and soul are one entity that is essentially out of our control. It is incredibly intuitive, instinctive and will do anything to protect itself. Looking back, perhaps my reoccurring bouts of sickness was a way to attract my mother’s attention I so craved? Was I constantly eating foods that would cause my mother distress? After moving to Switzerland, did I shut off from the life I left behind because I subconsciously resented my father for letting me go, triggering me to experience that feeling of abandonment? Did I mirror my stepfathers character as a coping mechanism I saw he had adopted?

Educating myself about the human body, our basic needs of nourishment and nurturing – gave me a deeper understanding of myself. I learnt that I was genetically intolerant to lactose, had almost no beneficial gut flora in my microbiome from all the years of antibiotics, poor diet and lifestyle choices and I was intolerant to many foods due to cross contamination and a poor digestive system. My immune system was combating frequent illness, emotional unexplained trauma and it was always in overdrive trying to protect me. Had I knows about these intolerances, perhaps I would not have had these constant bouts of respiratory illness. I learnt that the pain and trauma I carry is not only my own, but is the collective blockages my family and ancestors held, that I was now too inheriting. One thing for sure is that every moment thus far has shaped me and built the person I am today. I truly believe that having many near death experiences brought me closer to our subconscious, “the divine,” our source…

This is my story. I by no means have all the answers, everyone is unique and goes through difficult journeys in this lifetime. The choices we make and the thoughts we carry define us and pave our path. I feel authentic, I feel whole, and I am grateful to be on this journey. I am here to guide and support you the best way I know how, let’s embark on this healing adventure through life as one.